Cross Breeds

Need some opinions on my story please?

(Sorry its so long but here it is, your opinion please and thank you!) Beast By Allison Renick The cat is a wonderful and amazing creature. They have got a gloriously glossy coat, cute little muzzles, and a heart bigger than their head. When I was in the Bermuda Triangle with my mother there were cats, but not exactly the kind you would have sleep next to you at night… I remember this story all to well; my mother was a scientist who studied extinct animals, while also trying to find new species of animals. She had always wanted to study in the Bermuda Triangle because not many people have been to the Bermuda Triangle to study the different types of animals, let alone, try to find any new species. My mother had finally been offered the opportunity, after sending letter after letter, a chance to study in the Bermuda Triangle, and I was going to miss her a lot…until she invited me to come. I freaked out, in a good way, and swiftly packed my bags, for we would be leaving the very next day. Our plane took off around five o’clock a.m. and we hadn’t arrived until at least ten o’clock p.m. the next day. During our flight, I had sat looking out the window of the plane while listening to my iPod. After I was bored with listening to my iPod, I imagined silvery dolphins swimming through the oceans of clouds and leaping up higher into the sky as if chasing a fish. As our plane neared the island, I felt as though something might happen, good or bad I didn’t know. I didn’t think much of this strange feeling as our plane landed on the tarmac. My mother and I got off the plane and almost immediately went to our small cabin deep in the tropical jungle. The small rooms of the cabin were not exactly the nicest living quarters, but it would have to do. This was the place that we would be spending our lives at for the next three months and calling home, or so I thought. After getting all settled in our three room, one bath cabin, I decided to go outside and explore the area around our cabin. I didn’t bother to tell my mother, because she would tell me no and that it was too dangerous. I stepped outside and started to walk around the clearing where our cabin was located. It was a large, bright, and clear oval shaped space surrounded by trees. I thought I had heard rustling in some nearby bushes, and I turned my head towards the lining of trees. I paused, but then kept going and assumed it was just a bird or squirrel. Eventually, I had walked the whole clearing, memorizing every flower, every blade of grass. I was about to walk back toward the cabin when a dark bramble colored of fur flashed through the bushes beside me. I only had gotten a glimpse of this bolt out of my peripheral vision, so I turned and hoped to get a better look at whatever had dashed in the bushes, but it was gone. I became overly curious and followed a path into the jungle where I thought it may have gone. I walk for about 25 minutes, following that strange path, and just when I was about to give up, I heard music. Very soft music, as if it where only whispering its sweet melody to the still air of the lush jungle. It was beautifully enchanting and mesmerizing. I followed the path until I came to another clearing, but this one was much smaller. The grass was an ideal shade of green and was groomed to perfection, except for on the edges of the circular clear, where the grass stood 2 feet high. Just beyond the tall grass where huge oak trees with red and orange leave that lined the exterior of the clearing. The trees where so big on their tops they acted as a roof to the clearing and the only sunlight that got through was in the middle, where a single ray of evening sunshine shown on a large tree stump. A couple feet out from the tree stump where rocks circling the stump. Atop the stump was a small boy, he looked almost 8 years old. His features were inhuman, almost creepy looking. He had pointed ears and a very slender body. The long limbs of his body almost looked as though they belonged to an 11-year-old. He sat upon that stump, playing a piccolo. He looked up and was startled to see me. I thought he would scurry away, but he just sat there. Soon after an eerily long pause, I took a step forward, and at the movement, the boy quickly hopped off the stump and gracefully ran away in the other direction, his feet barely touching the ground. After I returned to the cabin my mother had scolded me for not telling me that I was going out. She said she would have let me go anyway, but I know she wouldn’t have. After her scolding I went straight to bed, and unsurprisingly, I dreamt of the boy on the stump. I slept in the next day until at least noon. After waking, I got in the small, claustrophobic shower for a quick cleaning. After my shower, I ate a small bowl of Frosted Flakes and went outside to see what my mother was doing. I found her setting up a tent outside the cabin with a bunc

Public Comments

1. First, proofread what you've written as their are some errors in it; for example: where you wrote shown, you actually meant shone. The concept for your story is intriguing to judge by what you've posted here. I would urge you to elaborate upon its story-line, however, making it more descriptive and dramatic. Put in some dialogue between your protagonist and her mother. Have your character speak to the child on the stump. Make the plane flight and your character's anticipation of the trip and the experience of beginning more detailed and emotional. I don't know how familiar you are with the Bermuda Triangle and its legend, but it's a roughly triangular area in the Atlantic Ocean and the Caribbean Sea where there are supposed to be strange forces which attract planes and ships to their dooms. There are, of course, land masses existing in the Bermuda Triangle including Bermuda itself, southern Florida, the Bahamas, Cuba, and other Caribbean Islands. Your characters could be working on one of the smaller, less populous isles, perhaps a fictitious one which you create. You should, in my opinion, place some emphasis on the legend of the Triangle immediately at the start of the story, perhaps have your protagonist be fearful of the dangers which their plane may encounter while flying through the area. The foregoing are merely suggestions, but I think that by incorporating some of them into your story, you would have a more exciting, suspenseful, and compelling plot. Anyway, I do think that you have a concept worth pursuing and encourage you to continue with your writing. Good luck!