Cross Breeds

What do yall think of this thing i wrote?

"Its now or never man" was the statement in my head that was spoke/ as i stood there anticipating the moment to make my approach/ thinkin about our conversation and trying to carefully piece it/ then i gave myself a quick check to make sure i looked decent/ so i gathered up all my courage and i took a deep breath/ and made my way towards this girl with the 1st of my steps/ just when i thought every thing was good and close to perfection/ a million questions start trafficking thru my mind like intersections/ like "how should i introduce myself" i said startin to feel pesimistic/ i can't believe im stressin out over somethin so simplistic/ "it doesn't matter how you say it cause it doesn't have to be perfect"/ "just go over and talk to her, it doesn't matter how you word it"/ "yeah but wait.. it does matter, i just can't say anything dumb"/ "that could just ruin everything and then my chances will be done"/ as i inch closer to her with every second of the minute/ my heart starts gettin pumped like Pop-Eye is with his spinanch/ i start scratchin my head startin to feel a bit nervous/ and then a look of anxiety starts to reach my face's surface/ "i can't do this!" i said startin to feel the doubt in myself/ like my confidence decided to pack up and head back for the shelf/ feeling discouraged i looked over to the position she was at/ felt more like crap/ and started to think this whole idea had become wack/ so i turned around with my head down and walked to a different section/ thinking a pretty girl like that would probably never look in my direction/ as i continued walkin thinkin the world couldn't get any colder/ i felt the warmth of a female's hand over my shoulder/ i turned around to see who it was.. and it was her to my surprise/ she smiled at me and greeted me with the letters H-I -PAUSE- ....but i couldn't say anything cause i still couldn't believe this was happening/ so i quickly tried to think of some lines i had been previously practicing/ but my mind was zoning out, couldn't really think too straight/ my thoughts just flew out the the window and just left my mind blank/ " you dumb idiot say something before she decides to walk away"/ but my head was still scrambled and all i could think of to say..... was......".....uhhhh.........". -AKWARD PAUSE- then she said, " Well i gotta go to class, gotta big test later on this week"/ "I'll catch you around sometime and it was nice to finally meet"/ "well... kinda.." she said smilin as she slowly walked past/ i thought "damn...now don't you feel like a big dumbass"/ so as i watch her walk away slowly into the distance/ i also see my chances slip slowly out of existence/ "Its now or never man" was the statement in my head that was spoke/ so i gathered up my courage and made my approach.. "Hi my name is ________, sorry it took so long to respond back/ i guess you can probably tell im not the best smooth talkin cat/ perhaps i was a little nervous and didn't know what to do/ but then that always happens when im around girls like you/ and i aint the popularist student, i don't hang with the cool crowd/ but that doesn't matter cause i got the best friends for which i am very proud/ and you may not have noticed but we share a couple classes together/ i think that presentation you gave in History was well thought out and pretty clever/ but mine on the other hand was stupid, i couldn't help but to be clumbsy/ it wouldn't surprise me at all if the teacher decided to flunk me/ oh yeah i heard you like Cassidy, i think he has the best freestyle when he raps/ have you heard him battle against Freeway? its like a 17 minute track/ but anyways enough about that/ i really want to get to know you and interact/ maybe one day go out and chill as a matter of fact/ i just really think you're a special girl cause you not quite like the rest/ and i apologize if i wasted your time but i had to get it off my chest.... -ANOTHER AKWARD PAUSE- "well i guess i'll see you later" i said startin to revert back to my old ways of thinkin/ my head returned to its downward position and my courage started shrinkin/ "well at least you said somethin, gotta give yourself some cred"/ but then i heard her call my name and this is what she said/ " it doesn't matter about popularity because you definitely are the sweetest/ never seen this side of you but im glad i got to see this/ and yeah i noticed you in my classes, i really thought that you were cute/ i've always wanted to talk to you but i just never made pursuit/ thanks for the presentation compliment, but i think that class is a waste/ although it was a bit goofy your presentation kept a smile on my face/ and what you heard about me likin Cassidy was definitely correct/ i absolutely love his music and his freestyle is the best/ but no i haven't heard the battle but it sounds like it is tight/ whenever you get the chance you could show me if you like/ and yes i would love to hang out and try to get to know ya/ we can do somethin fun as soon as this school week is ova/ so heres my number, give me a call as soon as you have the time/ and i'll talk to you later .....okay.....bye." she gave me a hug smilin and then we parted our ways/ i played it cool but in my head i was cheerin with my hands fully raised

Public Comments

1. periods and paragraphs after complete sentences would help, it may be very good, but who's gonna read all that?
2. whats on earth is this?
3. woah...too long for me to read... i got school in 5 weeks, why would i read more?!?!
4. AWESOME!
5. Is it a story? Or true life? Cause if it was true, i would have to say, good job. lots of guys get nervous and you did really well. and if it's a story you're writing, i would have to say that if you wrote more, i'd like to read more :)
6. Pretty good...interesting..kind of long...but worth reading.....I'll give ya a star for that....
7. so I read the entire thing and think it is the longest run on sentence in the world....... But hey, you made the effort and I hope it all works out for ya........
8. Awesome dude!
9. hey all the people who said that it was to long to read are not able to understand it! i have taken this as lyrics or melodic poetry? am i right? and by the way if you were my BF and u wrote this just after we got together it would make an awesome present to give to her if u last to have an anniversary it shows true point and emotion xx